Monday, April 12, 2010

On death, life and lifestyle changes

Life is moving too fast for me! A matter of days now and I have a great deal of moving and a little bit of wedding planning, a cello to get fixed, English lesson materials to photocopy, work shifts to do, relatives to see... And in amongst delighted excitement I've been feeling a little scared of the upcoming enormous lifestyle change - that's what they call it in Mark's work. He's allowed to change some his work benefits package this month because this counts as a "lifestyle change". I'm scared of being a rubbish wife, with all my stubborn silly tendencies. I want to be able to love selflessly, like Jesus does, to see others like he does. Easier said than done. That includes my husband-to-be (probably the toughest challenge of them all), people I know and love around me - my family, friends, students, work colleagues, acquaintances, strangers. It's a daunting task when I start to think about it.

Yet at the same, I'm feeling at peace. I've been trying to re-comprehend both in my head and my heart that I really am a new creation, born again, made again. That means I am able to do impossible things, I have Christ living in me! It's insane - and sometimes it blows me away. But it's been a hard thing to remember of late. I feel the old nature rearing up in me all too often. I know the key is dying to my old self - Sounds like quite an extreme thing to do I know! It's not as though I lose what was inherently "me" and because a strange do-gooding robot. If anything I have the opportunities to become more inherently "me" than I ever was before, when I was trapped by my nature and desire. More "me" as I was made to be.
Though dying can be a painful process. I guess on the one hand, Jesus died on the cross - once and for all, and now I am his. But dying to all that stuff i.e. those selfish desires and whims and pride that is contrary to my new nature which I have in Jesus, and yet has become so inherently part of me, habit almost - that's something I need to do everyday.


But following that death, there is always life!! His Spirit to fill the gaps those things leave behind. Easter always reminds me how amazing it is that Jesus rose from the dead. What would be the point in "dying to your old self" if there was no new birth, no new life, no hope. A life that is living in my true identity - a phoenix rising from the ashes. Now that's a lifestyle change!

One thing I have been feeling really grateful for of late, is for all our friends and family who have been so generous and kind in helping us out and being there for us! Really makes things so much easier and more enjoyable, so thankyou!

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

True affluence is not needing anything...................................................

michie333 said...

i love this. I've been thinking about this recently, especially when I meet so many new people, and especially in a country as secular as France. It is becoming apparent to my new friends that often my desires are not compatible with the new me, and I have to constantly be putting my old self to death, and they find this crazy. Why should I have to change who I am for God? But, He made me, He knows how i tick and understands me better than i do myself. And as I grow more into this new life, I know that I am becoming more "inherently me" as you say.

Anonymous said...

任何事都是由一個決心,一顆種子開始。........................................

Anonymous said...

人必須心懷希望,才會活的快樂,日子才過得充實,有意義,有朝氣,有信心。 ..................................................

michie said...

i'll blog if you do?

重俐 said...

心中有愛,才會人見人愛。.............................................

Anonymous said...

在莫非定律中有項笨蛋定律:「一個組織中的笨蛋,恆大於等於三分之二。」..................................................

佩璇 said...

No pains, no gains...................................................

Anonymous said...

Good mind, good find. ....................................................

Anonymous said...

善言能贏得聽眾,善聽才能贏得朋友。 ............................................................

Anonymous said...

能付出愛心就是福;能消除煩惱就是慧。........................................

淑慧 said...

當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。..................................................................

建月 said...

you look great today..................................................

Anonymous said...

加油-不論如何都支持你.................................................................

Anonymous said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

Anonymous said...

幸福不是一切,人還有責任。.................................................................

Anonymous said...

安安!剛開始玩這個,來這裡逛一下^^............................................................

Anonymous said...

要拼才會贏,生活就像戰爭…什麼時候才有和平啊…>"<..................................................

Anonymous said...

路過留言支持~~~..................................................................

Anonymous said...

憤怒,是片刻的瘋狂。..................................................

Anonymous said...

你不能改變容貌~~但你可以展現笑容............................................................

Anonymous said...

這麼用心的經營你的文章, 當然值得我們留連拜訪的!...............................................................

Anonymous said...

好東西要和好朋友分享--感謝您............................................................

andy said...

Wow, fifteen comments! I'm impressed. I never knew you knew so many chinese people.