decompartmentalisation

Pheeew... that's a long word to describe what I'd like to achieve in life!

I came back a couple of days ago from a weekend where everything went click in my head. I remembered who I am and how that works out in life and felt like I was looking at the best news there ever could be i.e God's grace shown to us in Jesus, with fresh eyes. But now I'm back in everyday life I'm remembering how difficult it can be to put these things into action.
If only I was always aware of...

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

I like this song because it reminds me that though I have such trouble including God in every part of my life and not compartmentalising, He actually is in everything, whether or not I am aware of Him. He is there in the unexpected and the expected and the clean and the messy. He is there whatever my state of mind may be. I guess it's the awareness that's the key and also what I struggle with - living in continual awareness of God and of who I am in relation to him. I cleaned my desk a couple of weeks ago, and it's still clear today! (though the rest of my room is not so clean) and I have recently discovered the joy of sitting at my desk by my ohsosunny window, drinking green tea and just being with God. Those times just seem to be getting less and less frequent as I am getting busier and busier though they are becoming more precious as a result. I do appreciate most of the simple pleasures in life, like a scrumptious chord or a collection of crocuses or uncontrollable laugh or an understanding glance between close friends and I know it's good to enjoy these things. I just want to be more aware of God as I go about enjoying them so I can remember that they come from Him and so that I'll thank Him because He is the source of all that is good and love in this world. I'd like to live in continual wide-eyed grateful awe and appreciation...
And that's only one side of the coin. What about when I'm down, agrieved, stressed, guilt-stricken... I want to be aware of God and love Him in that too - by trusting and continuing to love others regardless of my internal state or situation.
It's a challenge, but I want to try and love God in everything...

banter of the last wee while

photoworthy banter of the last wee while

- much jamming (there will be a post devoted to that shortly) and getting acquainted with a jembe at a haggis party (now I can't stop drumming! Got in trouble for drumming at the table the other day)
- Global Village - many stalls manned by international students with many dishes. Things I may have sampled the cuisine of roughly 10 different countries, needless to say the french couldn't get themselves organised to have a stall there. We paid four quid and could sample them all and then were treated to live music and dancing. I discovered that Iranian food is really quite a treat!
- a couple of gigs with the strangers
- a couple more birthdays of the psychology crew, another one coming up on Saturday
- pictionary with a random collection of native and non-native english speakers
NB A. It helps if there is some secondary language in common (in our case french and dutch) then if a word comes up that some people don't know, it makes it easier to explain

B. overcomplicated drawings may be funny, but do not win a game... take for example... Jellyfish

- Nor do abstract interpretations of concepts... here are two drawings to illustrate...
one is literal

the other a little more abstract

both mean "revolution"
C. one must add on looking the word in the dictionary time i.e "Ah I know what the word is but I don't know it in english!" to make things fair
D. don't drum on the table unless you have a deathwish

Slowly getting used to me new camera and so to illustrate these bullet points...

For those of you who found us sitting and smiling with blank faces comedy, you can now watch the unedited version of that interview, gaelic, english and all here under "agallamh"...

saturday

Mmmm... I love Glasgow Saturdays! :)

Time to catch up on things and chill and sort myself out and enjoy quiet...

Last night I saw Juno - amaaazing film! Definitely almost on a par with that comedy gem Little Miss Sunshine! As per usual did a shed a tear or two. I tend to get somewhat emotional in films. What surprised me was what happened to me this morning as I was standing waiting at Glasgow International airport before picking up and redirecting 19 Canadians. Was watching all the people drifting in through the International arrivals door from a Toronto flight and it was more moving than watching a film... there was a mum smothering her small boy with kisses and a couple of cuddly couples that blatantly hadn't seen each other in a long time and friends reunited with delighted grins and digital cameras everywhere. It could have been a scene out of Love Actually, though (thankfully) a lot more believable! And before I knew it I found myself getting weepy! Completely took me by surprise and had to stay composed to greet the pile of Canadians that soon followed out of the door.

Oh and all this sunshine after so many months of grey... I feel truly photosynthesised! :)

"do not give way to fear"

On Friday night at the stall, I was listening to a lad (who was highly intoxicated I hasten to add) rant about his ex-gf and how, since they broke up, in order to make herself "feel hot" i.e desired and loved, she apparently goes out in the most revealing of clothing or whatever it takes to "pull". He told me, in very drunken terms, that he respected the fact that I didn't feel the need to do that. But being completely honest with myself, I don't think I'm completely free of those inclinations. I think most girls have a teeny-skirted, overly-flirtatious, sometimes desperate, silly girl somewhere inside of them. We want to feel beautiful and to be desired and wanted. But we often miss the point, thinking that to be desired is to be loved.
This is one of those bits of the Bible that most christian girls know in theory. I know I always gloss over it, thinking I don't need to hear it. But when I looked at it the other day I spotted something I hadn't noticed before. The section ends "...do not give way to fear". What fear? The fear that most of girls have of being single? Of never being loved or desired? Why should we fear that? Perfect love drives out fear... and this year I have become more and more convinced that "perfect love" is the love God shows us. The kind of love that doesn't fail us or disappoint us or is unfaithful. But one that lasts in spite of our weakness and no matter how we look, think or act.

Got to quote this again... says it better than I could.

"I ask him to satisfy my longings and fill my hollow places with his unfailing lavish love, this frees me from craving the approval of others or requiring them to fill my 'cup'. Then if someone does demonstrate love to me that's overflow! I am free to appreciate and enjoy it, but I didn't emotionally require it." Beth Moore

Another kind of fear that I struggle with a great deal more than the inner silly-girl and is definitely not exclusive to females is the fear of doing wrong or messing up and disappointed myself, other people and God. It's a fear that stems from my forgetting grace and think that by doing lots of stuff for God, I can earn His favour, or stop myself from losing it. All nonsense I know. And yet it crops up from time to time. Perhaps what I need to remember is this and not only that but this.
For the last week I've had this kids song in my head, dunno who it's by, and I can't seem to find it on google... think it sums up the concept of grace pretty well though:

There's nothing, nothing I can do or say
to make God love me more.
He cares for me in such a way
that lasts forever more.
The Bible says that it's called grace.
I see it there in Jesus' face.
There's nothing, nothing I can do or say
to make God love me more
to make God love me more.

There's nothing, nothing I can do or say
to make God love me less.
I need forgiveness every day
and Jesus' righteousness
But when I turn to Him and pray,
He gives his mercies right away
There's nothing, nothing I can do or say
to make God love me less
to make God love me less.

What a wonderful Saviour!

The reason why I dropped english lit...

... is because so many writers of literature and even more often, people interpreting literature think this...

"The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!"

Ah the wonders and wisdom of Calvin & Hobbes :)

You've got 6 days left to watch this

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b008vsxw.shtml

quotidien

I like that word...

Realised I hadn't blogged about the everyday in a while...

- Like the fact that it's been raining constantly for the last couple of weeks but for the first time in 4 years I have waterproof trainers to keep me dry!

-Handed in the last of my run of deadlines so was able to just hang out with folk with a guilt-free conscience, yaaay! :)

- I spent a quality Saturday night/Sunday-day in Edinburgh. Had the best dinner for a wonderful friend's 21st... breadcrumbed brie with yummily dressed salad for starters, steak with pepper sauce and tomatoes and mushrooms and sauteed potatoes for main and profiteroles for desert, all washed down with water, a glass of red wine and a lovely cup o tea, and then a night of dancing and catching up with ol school friends... wonderful... Got to hang out with the family and folk at Bellevue West too on Sunday which was more than an added bonus!

- And there was an evening last week when Jenni and I got a little carried away with Salvaar Kameez

God is good

... tis one of those facts that at least I, as a christian, take for granted!
-> The very idea of a God who cares and has forgives and loves with endless abounding love and grace with mercies that never fail and are new every day sounds positively insane in this messed-up human world. It just sounds almost "too good to be true".

When I look at human constructed gods; the gods who in many religions and cultures are selfish and flawed and unsurpisingly human or the gods who are "infallible" but require laborious effort and often tremendous sacrifice to approach, even the more abstract gods of materialism or sex are in themselves, selfish. When I contrast these gods with Yahweh, I realise that this is exactly what we humans so often think. We think that the existence of a God of grace, a God who is truly good and unselfish and far beyond and above human is nigh impossible. And so we have constructed our own gods or box the living God to fit into what we think is legistical. When, for example, we can't get our heads round this idea of "grace", we become legalistic and laws, sometimes even laws which are trivial and man-made, become the be all and end all. We miss the point and we hurt ourselves and others in the process.

The reality is that we have a God who has sacrificed all for us, who loves us extremely and has a heart for the downtrodden in society, who desires, more than anything else, that we act justly, love mercy and walk with him every day. We only have to look at Jesus to see all this en actualité.

Mind-blowing! And because He is good, there is hope for this aching world...

I guess what I'm re-realising here, is how important it is that we get to know the true and living God. Knowing Him, what He is like, His character does and will change our perceptions/mindsets/hearts in everything.

The very fact He can change anything, to me means hope.

the joys of january

And it's fast becoming a late night in the GU Library writing up the spoon-fed project we did, testing whether Dweck's Entity Theory can be applied to our level 3 psychology class... It's due in tomorrow. I also have 3 hours of exams on Monday and a french essay and translation to hand in on Wednesday...

meh

Films of 2007

Reading and hearing other peoples thoughts on what their favourite films of the year 2007 have been has spurred me on to create my own list... the only thing is a couple of these I saw last year weren't actually released last year. (The joys of french release dates)

In no particular order

Films that I enjoyed the most in 2007

Most moving and thought-provoking
- The Kite Runner (and they stuck very closely to the book :) though they missed out some of the most gruesome bits)
- Life of Others

Funniest
- Little Miss Sunshine easily one of my favourite films of all time! (saw that in france this year although it was released the year before)
- Run Fat Boy Run - Miles better than I thought it would be! Touching and funny!
- Ratatouille - wonderful treatment of stereotypical france, though (a mon avis) tarnished by the inconsistency in and appallingly bad french accents!

Most exciting, kept me at the edge of my seat (also most attractive actors heehee)
- Bourne Ultimatum
- The Departed (ditto with the France thing)

Film that made me most want to sing and dance like a madwoman
- Hairspray (yes I know!)

Weirdest Film I saw this year
- The Golden Door - one of those films that "doesn't do what it says on the packet"

Films that were released last year and I wanted to see but didn't
Once, The Counterfeiters, La Mome, Simpsons Movie, La Science des Reves

Bitterly disappointed by -
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, The Golden Compass (though both were ok films, they just didn't compare to the books), Spiderman 3 (just plain mince)

Bring on Prince Caspian!

seasons cleanings

Tried and failed miserably at "spring cleaning" the blog roll. The only blogs I could bring myself to remove were those that had been removed by the author... that is except The Creasinator's... I'm still holding out that you'll recommence blogging Creasy! :(
I was thinking of reorganising the weblinks into subcategories of

- Has not blogged in over a year
- Has not blogged in 3 months
- Sporadic blogger
- Regular blogger

What do folks reckon?

Eternal optimist that I am, I'm still hoping that the authors of the blog-turned-skeletons will suddenly decide to resurrect them. Do a "michie" so to speak. Saying that Mich, that wasn't much of a resurrection!

Anyhooo... I'm supposed to be studying right now...

I'm excited!

Yes I know... I'm quite often excited! :) But this year I have every reason to be...

2007 was mainly characterised by:

... my last 5 eventful educational months en France, a 3 month long summer of activity, a messy break-up, good times with my family (highlights being this christmas hol, spending a whole summer at home and still appreciating them at the end of it, and getting to be towel-bearer for my little sister's baptism), a very joyful return to Glasgow, much banter spent with old friends and new friends, studying (woopwoop! still enjoying it... well most of it) and getting to know coursemates better, being back with what had developed into a full-fledged band while I was away, international students galore... siiigh... I love Glasgow... repeatedly messing up and repeatedly being forgiven, learning some difficult but valuable lessons about God and about myself (the latter being the less pleasant part).

What I am looking forward to in 2008:

All the newness; learning new things, taking on new challenges, doing new things such as going somewhere a bit further away in the summer (hopefully maybe). Spring in Glasgow (leaves growing on trees etc. etc.), getting to know some people better and meeting new folk that I will undoubtedly meet, my last full academic year of university (eeeep), getting to know God more and growing closer to him, using my new camera and taking pretty pictures (if it ever comes back into stock in Argos)

Oh and I still want to be a tree

why does warm+fuzzy=christmasy?

We do like to dress Christmas up in fairy lights don't we! Let's all feel "Christmasy", jingle some bells, remember a night when all was "calm and bright", hang up our stockings, sniff the cloves and cinnamon, let it snow let it snow let it snow.
Don't get me wrong, I love our ridiculous traditions and the once a year chance to get together with the extended family but in all these wrappings I've started to see the birth of Christ through those warm fuzzy spectacles. Songs like “Silent night” where “all is calm and all is bright” don’t really help things either. Yes, Jesus birth was a miracle. But he was born in the humblest of circumstances, in a messy birth in a dirty smelly stable! Can you imagine giving birth in a stable?! Yeeeeuch… There was no tinsel, no fairy lights. It may not have been an ordinary birth. Angels announced it, and then shepherds turned up to gape, some wise men brought their gifts a little later, leaving his parents somewhat awed and bewildered.
But there’s a distinction between what is “christmasy” or magical and what is miraculous.

Got to bring Sufjan in here... another thing I love about those albums is the fact that interpersed amongst the bells and banjo carols is the occasional song that reminds me that the whole world doesn't just become glowing and "christmasy" at Christmas time. That people still hurt, families don't suddenly become unbroken, fighting doesn't always stop, wars don't just end, people don't suddenly escape poverty or become happy at, or just during the christmas period.

Jesus coming was a way of healing the broken-hearted but think about what it took him to do that... He came to live among us, he came to live as one of us, experiencing weakness as we do, he humbled himself, in life, taking on the very nature of a servant, not just his death on the cross. He taught, healed, reached out...

The miracle is that God came as the light of the world, to bring us peace and joy! It's awe-inspiring and well worth celebrating! But in order to bring us that peace and joy, he had to experience the ordinary and weakness and suffering, whether that was being laid as a newborn in a feeding trough or being crucified alongside common criminals. I wouldn't call that magic.

So I've been trying to remember that Christmas celebrates the fact that Jesus came down in human frailty. He was fully God, just and righteous and love, and yet he became fully human; lived life, experienced weakness, hunger, brokenness, hurt and pain. And so He understands our weakness... Amaaaazing!

Christmas was a miracle! Christ is a miracle! But miracles don't necessarily mean "magic". And somehow I don't think there was any "magic" on that first Christmas.

This is my first year sans advent calender :"(

I roughly estimate that I spent the run up to Christmas doing

countless hours of studying
almost as many hours of celloing
several hours of singing carols at the top of my voice
8 hours of cleaning the flat
7 hours of 12 hour cheesy pop, (of which 2 hours were spent watching It's a Wonderful Life, 3 hours were spent boogying on at the headphone disco (quality concept!) and 2 hours spent chatting to randoms and not so randoms at the stall)
6 beanscene visits (most of which were to "chat about the critical review")
5 hours of mince pies and mulled-wine consumption
4 christmas carol services (to date)
3 and a half ceilidhs
2 exams
and 1 critical review

And after all that and some more that I couldn't fit into 12 verses, I am back in Edinburgh again for a proper break! It's roasting inside (having Sri Lankan parents means the heating is on ALL day!) and baltic outside (frost, unlike anything we ever get in glasgow, woopwoop!) Actually getting a proper break, except from celloing... in exchange for being fed I am playing in 3 church carol services avec les parents. A cellist's work is never done.

Apologies for misinformation in my last blog entry. Turns out we're not being broadcasted till Friday at 7.15pm on the "highland cafe show"
Though for the next week or so it should be possible to stream and listen to the show on the above link
Right, I'm off to bed

blatant procrastination

I had been determined to avoid procrastination blogging until the end of this week (end of deadlines/exams). I just cracked.

But there is soooooo much to blog about!

1. The wonders of carols! In the last few days I have been to a carolling party (lots of musical people jamming and singing carols together all evening), 2 different carol service rehearsals, sang non-stop on the half an hour walk to church with my old flatmate. You'd think I'd be sick of the music, but no. Yesterday I made the purchase of Sufjan Steven's 5 CD christmas wonder! To be honest I would have bought it for the beeeeeyoootiful version of Joy to the World on CD 4 (one of my fav carols) but getting 5 wonderful CDs was more than an added bonus! Siiiigh...

2. Last week, I discovered that - prancing around in a ball dress + quality time with coursemates (i.e not talking about or even thinking about looming deadlines) + silly dancing and good food = remarkably therapeutic stress-free evening

3. The wonders of TEA!! (in response to this post)

Builder's tea... meh... I've lost my liking for the stuff. In the tea corner of our kitchen however, I currently own, an assortment of loose teas with random names like "arctic fire", green tea, white tea, camomile, honey and vanilla tea, lemon and ginger tea, lady grey. Despite the fact that yesterday Potter managed to bleed over a few tea bags and boxes (now hopefully all disinfected away) they still haven't quite lost their appeal. Tea consumption in the flat is an excitement... i.e "hmmm what do I feel like today?" What kind of choice can be had with the likes of coffee?! What I'm saying Quinn is, for the sake of your stomach, why don't you try branching out? ;)

4. This Wednesday lunchtime (methinks about 1pm) ze band is going to be live on BBC radio Scotland! Woop woop! Shame we have to get up at 6am and train it up to Inverness for like 3 hours just for the pleasure!

Reminder to self

Lessons from my time in France to be re-remembered/afin de les reapprendre

- Treat people as equals (even if they struggle with my language)
- A smile is not enough. What they want is my time and friendship not just my friendliness.
- Kindness and genuine friendship go a long long way. I am still strongly affected by the impact of kindness a few french (and non-french) people demonstrated towards me last year when I was a foreigner, relatively powerless and pretty lonely.

En bref - I should be taking my lead from Him

trop vite!

Life's moving too fast right now! I keep starting blog entries and not finishing them and suddenly they're out of date or no longer applicable! Although I missed my hectic lifestyle when I was in France, I can't help but envy the french sometimes and their laid-back attitude to time. Yesterday a few of us from the CU ran ceilidh dancing classes for internationals, (I ended up having to call the dances and be the "backing music" to Auld Lang Syne, which was amusing to say the least!) Anyhoo a french friend turned up an hour and a half late, whilst we were in midst Orcadian StriptheWillow. He was really surprised when I told him this was the last dance. In his own words he thought it would run until at least half 10 or 11, and that he "ad to eat at 8 (as every frenchman does), and euuh it takes 'alf an 'our for me to prepare the food you know euh..." Bear in mind that the class started at half 7.

Aaah I do love the french :)

In other news:
- my camera is dying hence my lack of camerage.
- After 2 weeks of reading ridiculous amounts and getting more and more confused, I have finally decided on a direction for my 4000 word "critical review" in psychology... phew!

Life just keeps on going and the Christmas season is calling! woop woop!

a little hyperbole

Just back from the cinema to see Stardust. I loved it... my pragmatic flatmate (of the emerald isle variety) on the other hand wasn't so convinced by the romanticglowingstarloveconqueringall nonsense. "Too much hyperbole" were her exact words. Personally I like a little hyperbole from time to time, though I'm glad real life isn't like that. Those witches were scary!
We did however enter into the spirit of adventure, rushing down the tallest cinema in the world to catch the last underground and then rushing back up again, rooting under chairs to the soundtrack of the cancan in search of pragmatist's gloves, until we realised that she hadn't actually brought them with her in the first place. So we legged it back down again and made it in time (just) to catch the last underground... Ah we do know how to spice up the mundane antics of normal life! And who needs to put the heating on in the flat when a little exercise is all one needs to keep warm!